A Monster Called Anger: Don’t Let It Control You
Do you belittle, humiliate, and insult when you’re feeling angry?
Perhaps you shout loudly and verbally threaten people? Perhaps you sulk. Do you punch or kick physical objects – like walls – whenever you feel hot-headed due to feeling angry?
Has somebody called the cops on you because they have felt threatened from watching you express your anger? Do people tell you that you’re an angry person? Maybe you agree and label yourself as that, too.
Perhaps you withdraw emotionally from the person who made you angry (you become cold and distant and no longer express affection – sometimes for a long time). Or maybe you withdraw physically from the person who made you angry (you intentionally get busy with things that do not involve the other person or actually leave).
Some others pick verbal or physical fights with someone other than the person who made them angry: Does this sound like you?
Anger – an Ugly Monster
The image of anger as an ugly monster is a popular one. A lot of us (myself included) probably have witnessed very mild-mannered people transform into a “monster” when they become angry.
Consider Liz, for instance – a divorced mother of three. Liz often finds herself exploding in anger over trivial matters. At her workplace, she is perceived as overly aggressive and tends to alienate her coworkers. Her history of relating poorly to others because of her anger leaves her feeling deeply regretful – sometimes lonely.
Or take Bob, for example – a good provider for his family and successful entrepreneur. He is overly critical of his employees – to the point of cruelty. At home, he behaves similarly – with a quick temper and criticism toward his wife and children despite his longing for a closer connection to them.
As you may notice from reading, one thing that Liz and Bob have in common is that their poor anger expression and management alienates them from other people – loved ones especially. Relationship deterioration is one of the first fallouts of those who manage anger poorly. Anger can make you physically ill, too. Common ailments associated with anger include high blood pressure, aches and pains, sleep problems, and problems with digestion.
Don’t Let Anger Control You: Control Your Anger Instead!
Everybody loses their cool from time to time: In my mind, there is no doubt about this. I admit it: I have “lost my cool” or felt angry sometimes. I have never been arrested for anything, though (in case you are wondering).
Since anger is a normal human emotion, the question is not whether you have lost your cool or felt angry. The important questions really are: How do you act when you become angry, and what consequences do you experience from it? I once heard that anger is an emotion to be acted upon, not acted out.
Anger Management Counseling
Anger management is not about telling you that you should not “lose your cool.” Heck! By now probably a lot of people have already done this, so why pay a counselor to do that?
Let me ask you: people telling you to not “lose your cool,” has it worked? I bet you that it has not. Effective anger management goes beyond being told by others what to do and not to do.
If you, or someone you care for, is experiencing difficulty coping with their anger, anger management counseling can help you or them.
In anger management counseling, you can learn why you handle anger the way that you do, how to manage anger in constructive (as opposed to destructive) ways, to express anger appropriately and effectively, to handle frustration (before it turns into anger or rage) and resolve conflicts, to determine when anger is a fitting response to a situation and more.
Whether your temper is explosive or you suppress your anger and brood, anger management counseling can provide you with the insight and tools to manage your anger effectively and in socially appropriate ways. You can relate your feelings to others without losing your cool.
Start working on your anger today. I can help you to tame your anger “monster.”